Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
