If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
