My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
