just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
