Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
