I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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