Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
