You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
