You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
