He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
