Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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