Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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