I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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