I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if only i could text you this smell
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I supernannyed him into submission
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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