I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
