just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
