It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
