y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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