singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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