Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
