Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
