you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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