The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
