Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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