I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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