i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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