I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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