Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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