Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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