It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
