yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
