I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
