New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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