If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
last night I used snow as a chaser
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
