i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
