Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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