You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
