Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
