I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
