Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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