Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
