Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
