I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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