I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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