I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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