Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
