I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
