We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
