I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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