I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
