I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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