so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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