Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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