Barsexuality is the new black.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These tits shall not be calmed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You are a genius and a whore.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
